E-constipation

I think I have changed as a person. I always thought being alive is all you need. Being a living creature, is what we need to protect and nurture. But life had its way of saying screw you to you in a most beautiful way. Don’t get me wrong, in this 25+ years of breathing oxygen in this world, I have learnt a thing or two. To say the least, the lessons on this blog. Ah, who am I kidding?

I always thought I was a fearless person, and my greatest testament to that was not being afraid of spiders and lizards. Yes, It is a big deal. There is a saying or rather a dialogue - death is the only fear you should have. BS. It could be true, but I refrain to believe it. Over the time, I have realized, I am not as fearless as I thought I was. Yes, I am very badass (or so I think) and sharp tongued, but nothing beats it like emotions. One of my close friends call me emotionally constipated, which I used to ignore it blatantly, is causing a nightmare now. Emotional constipation, or e-constipation as I call it - is a “phenomena” where a person keeps all their feelings closed off from the world, unbeknownst to their own beliefs of being expressive. Well, the latter part is just my interpretation of how all this concept works. It is basically being constipated without the actual shit (here, literally). 

Now, I don’t want to not believe that I am e-constipated. In fact, because I am constipated emotionally, the repercussions of that are very edgy.  What if, one lets go of that emotions and feel things (not literally, ew) for an e-constipated person? Will the universe explode? Pretty sure it wouldn’t outside, but inside, oh yes! Let’s admit it - Emotions and self-perseverance are the fears one should have and not the death. The day those fears are lost, I shall be fully liberated (of course emotionally, duh!) and so will you be. 

Blesses, my children!

P.S. Finally a secret stash of notes from my Mac made it here!

March 30th, 2015

    Today is March the 30th. The day before Tuesday. The day before March 31st. The day before my residence situation will be addressed with a petition. The day before quarter ends. The day before I might be getting an opportunity of a lifetime. The day before I go for Maroon5 Concert to see/watch/ogle at gorgeous Adam Levine perform 'Animals'. The day on which a new living or working or dealing situation is doubled up with anxiety. The day before I might actually start running in an effort towards staying fit. The day I confessed to myself about a feeling that was hanging by a thread, but in reality never mattered to anyone but me. Ssshhhh, you diary will never know that feeling. The day after I watched 'Devil wears Prada' where I am contemplating on sizes of dress that are under the usual human dignified sizes. I digress. The day I realized it's been too long that I wrote anything for myself, for girl with mirthful confusions.

Till Next Time!

Theory 2.0 - Hi to the five 2011

So I had a pattern theory again. Not long enough, just 2 years ago. Incredibly old theory which was sitting in my text file junks from 2011.

Mo makes an acquaintance with a boy. Slowly as Mo speaks (or talks) and share thoughts and news with him, before we know it they have become friends, so to say. When the friend-material person become a little effective in her life, she continues the conversation and then there comes a time when she graduates from being friends to becoming good friends because they say good stuff and not say irrelevant sensible stuff. As she and he get closer in thoughts, one has a thinking cloud above the head about 'oh we can share any non sense stuff', and she does sometimes, rarely, selectively. Well. Then when he takes the sensible stuff too far, Mo knows she has started disliking him. The wrath that had been observed cannot be quite surmised to her intense dislike developed for that person. This whole parabolic journey of her interaction with a person is called as convoluted theory of odd friendship where no-one survives. True Story! 

Signing off!


Highly dramatic note to self: Such randomness! Dude!

Crushes - Wiki of the Mirthy

It all started out with a simple question and usually it only starts out with one simple question.

Q: Do you think its something you do that causes all these morons to have a crush on you?

A: I don't know...

 Made my little brain particles cycle slightly harder and continued,

A: If I figure it out, I will use it on right people maybe?

Then I reiterated the line in my head for 5 times to make sure, to go whoooaaa again. That would indeed be the most Awesome-st thing ever!  

Once I told my school friend about a crush that I had when I was in school. He reacted as if he did something wrong and said he didn't intend to. I just went, 'dude, shut up' How is that even the guy's mistake? or anyone who is crushed on? Honestly? Why!

So as always I have this theory of how all this works and to some or the complete extent, most of them are absolutely true to the word. Since I have missed my math class and theorems, here we go:

Corollary 1 - Boost or asked back out

If you tell a single guy that you had a crush on him, they will sort of develop a feeling for you. Remember "had" is the key which means you have lost interest and the guy has lost a stock in a share market. As we say man is a social animal, humans crave for attention even if they deny it a million times, so they try to get it back by trying to get connected. Beware this is not just getting back in touch for friendship or for 'let's laugh about it' reason, but romantic way let's keep in touch. Again a caveat, not true for everyone, most will want to be connected in a way that they would want of think of themselves as attractive and you are the boost. 

And we keep thinking where does all those snob-heads come from. *too rude* 

Corollary 2 - Laugh and laugh and become too good to be good friends

Most common case would be laugh about it when you tell someone that you had a crush on him/her or vice-versa and wonder if it is too late. Yet continue laughing to hide the freckles of  down-emotions on lost cause. Apparently - according to me - here the looks, personality, likes etc doesn't matter. The fact that the confessor opened his/her heart regarding the subject makes you vulnerable on knees. Oooo yeah, the ever-ready-to-be-included-in-a-desirable-trait Confidence always wins the stupid heart (errm, brain technically). Again, not true for many people.

Corollary 3 - Trance vehicle where everyone out there hates you - is the feeling.

Well it doesn't come from anything that has been observed. Everything from deductions of daily life and daily soaps. Wait, I don't watch the very dramatic Hindi serials (yes, they call it serials in India instead of soaps or shows. For the longest time, I used to wonder and spell it as cereal when I was a kid. Disturbing!) these days.

Basically, even if someone bents over their back to let you know the "crush", you would be like "no, no, no" because you know what "everyone" hates you anyway, why would he/she be anyway interested. Wait, it was "was" interested. *Shakes head of the virtual person in this category".

**clearly Jennifer Lawrence is my favorite .gif girl today**

Corollary 4 - Then there's New Girl (a show again) category

Everyone in her life loves her. But she has her own problems. How dramatic and wait... typical. Accident magnet machine I would say. I somehow relate to this category. Please! I am no new girl, I am the most latter-part part in the above description - accident prone! You thought everyone loves me? Sure. *barf-laugh-barf-laugh (infinity loop)*

That reminds me, I think I have broken my very beautiful metacarpal bones of justice. Justice because one slap with stable metacarpals does wonder to the bad guys. Kidding! I couldn't think of my innovative mind's working towards making unknown phrases and to be original and jhakkas(awesome) of course at the same time.

So basically, when life gives you lemons, you give back lemonade. Or if you are those creative kinds, make a very berry cherry lemonade. Oh it does taste good, if everything is mixed in proper proportion. But please don't make another recipe which was not intended. Remember you will always need more ingredients than whatever is available for making the recipe. So, decide wisely.

Understood? yes? no? Here's the return of Girl with mirthful confusions, once again ladies and gentlemen.

Lesson: So organized I have become, numbering and bullets. oh ho ho ho. No, I am not Santa Claus.  

Also, tolerance level has deteriorated from 8/10 to 4/10. Did not bother to go over my selfie GRE words.

On a side note: Wish I could connect my brains nerves talking to myself to a notepad, I have such brilliant ideas(not necessarily the sensible ones) I would like to document.

Movies and the crap

I have a habit of taking lessons or learning something new from worst of the movies. And no, it’s not about how the movies should not be made. OK, there are parts which presses me to take notes on what not to do if and when I make a commercially acceptable movie.

I watched YJHD today (wrote on the weekend, the movie was released), average movie. It was kinda expected to be dopey reverse of how the trailers were perceived. Too much masala for an Ayan Mukherjee film, anyway at the end of the day – not the worst movie but not an awesome one as well. Somehow and always I relate to the characters in the film. Be it a sci-fi or a documentary film. There’s something about the movies and TV shows like There’s Something about Mary. It was and still is my secret hideout place from all the mess I might be having in my world. 5 minute print recording gives me a luxury of screaming in, in my head to flush out any stress or maybe happiness. In case you didn’t know that, excessive happiness is equal to << some complicated biology term>> stress.

So yeah, there was a scholar nerdy geeky whatever that she was called – it was me. I am not studying to be a doctor however I do study like one. No idea why. As she is described boring with no prior crazy experience when in the train scene, Moi - never done any of that (OK sorry, some or more or ALL :O ). Always been elusive and strange to myself, I haven’t yet figured out anything. Whoever thinks I am lying… so be it (Or Maybe I am). I could relate to her at each instance (not really, not the omnipresent short denim skirt) and I wondered – really? That is how I appear to the world? It is true that nobody judges anyone about how well they are in front of others except your parents. Yet. On the other hand, hero’s dad – ditto my dad and same small bashan about how I should live the way I want. So dreamy that was. And what songs man! I could dance to it whole day long. If you can dance balam pichkari with same gust and enthusiasm, you are my person dude! There were so many other things that could relate to and wish for. But I’ll stop there.

This movie is fresh in mind hence so many connections. Give me 2 more days, I shall at least give 20 connections from different genres of crappiest movies.  

Lesson – Movies makes you think crap!