I have been moaning, horrid that it sounds to me; it should also sound the same to you. If not, don’t force me to take my bamboo stick out from my drawer and beat your guts out to overcome the displeasure in my mind.
This is a common thought for students like me (sometimes) who think teachers punish us for everything unimportant in the world which includes her fight with her husband, quarrel with some woman from morning in the bus, or just the aberrant attitude of hers. It is never us, it can't be. As selfish as it seems, we were all small innocent perky fun-loving kids who would do nothing wrong. Always first to blame, and get belligerent at the idea of some elder telling us that it was our mistake. Later to realize the exact mistake committed by us, some days, some years back. By the time, we understand the whole concept of punishing for reason; we are either old or have had enough or both. Some of us had this inevitable grasping power to understand such situation from childhood. I would say with a chin up that I was of that kind. It had its advantages and disadvantages. One being you feel guilty for even the smallest mistake you make and become restless; the same guilt leads to the class calling me a nerd and blasphemous creature towards the class-dudes and babes. Well that did not go for long, so I was a happy kid back to being all innocent perky and strict and twirling around in the frock when I was in primary level school. So where am I getting at? I have absolutely no clue.
Continuing with the stint that I have ranted above, why do we hardly remember the times when we’re happy and more about the times when were frowning or sad? I am sure everybody is not always happy and always sad. All have their decent shares, so those who complain suck it up, you are better off being even able to open your mouth to chatter words of unhappiness. I think the first paragraph will be slightly disjointed from what I am going to write.
One of the eternal great days of sadness in my life is my Birthdays. Logically, one is happy on this particular day because (1) you are born with the bloody, fluid-y, cute whiny face out to the world, (2) you are showered with gifts, (3) you are wished by everyone you know or not know which makes you feel special (ah right, some celebrity or something) and (4) a gaudy party that some throw, to dance and enjoy with drinks and friends. Some also feel they are old and wise now, let us take that as a (5), especially when you are turning 18 and you can now get that priceless official driving license to show around and of course drive(ermm...safe). And many more unreasonably defective excuses (for me) like that.
For people like me, an infinity points list of reason saying that birthday is a blitheful day won't suffice. One and only one establishing and verified fact is that you are a year older on this day, let’s face it, people like me want to na-ah-absolutely grow and be a child forever instead. One day, we will be so old that we won’t be able to walk, jump, laugh, eat what I want. I want to hold the time *ooh, I really want that*. I am being a hypocrite here, cos' I am a person who preaches of accepting the change, but seriously, Birthdays, humph! Also, you are wished by people whom you haven't spoken to in years, not that they were ever close to you or people who you have never met or interacted with. I know that by greetings, people are being nice and all, but I don’t want that fake-nice. Yes, it’s just me here. Parties, dancing, enjoying, being mature, and you are left out on any appending gruesome work that day, etc etc are all good, no doubt. However the ageing, wishing overload and related miseries overshadows all that for me and I would work as a donkey on that day to avoid the greetings and keep myself busy. Yes, I am a very very very boring person. At the end of the day of my birthday, I always have that tranquil smile on my face that it wasn’t that bad and my dear ones took care of it very well even though I complain and retreat all day about how I don’t like my B'days. So that sums it up. Sad but not really dreary. Happy but not really joyful. Neutral?! ah, whatever. It is a special day, whatsoever.
How puny the matter is, we humans or any living organism in the world tend to find some expression to our life. As sun dawns, even though you are sad, you have this tinge of happiness somewhere in your breath, I feel.
Lesson: Behind every sadness, there is happiness and vice-versa. True to the title!
tooo filmy! :D
P.S. A friend asked me to write about happiness, but I couldn't really relate to happiness without any dullness in the background, hence this post. I have realized over the years that Happiness is treasured more by people who have been through at least 2 seconds of moaning or colossal dark shadows which are I guess, extreme.
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